This rage page expresses your experiences of rage and frustration at breaches of basic manners & etiquette and other events encountered in daily living.
Someone has shown you no respect; no consideration and no concern for your welfare.
They have trodden on your rights and you feel perfectly justified in venting your spleen on
this rage page:
I would have rather stayed home (Lara, United States, Nov 2014)
Don't ditch your long term girlfriend or boyfriend at a funeral to be with your sister (especially when she doesn't think highly of you anyway) and make them sit away from you and make up a lie about it being in your family heritage that you are to sit with your family.
I would have rather stayed home than having been treated like this and have it "family only" time for them.
Our daughter's original plan was to elope and save for a house. I wish they had (Lara, United States, Nov 2014)
Our daughter's future mother-in-law had an Engagement Party at the home in a nearby State (within driving distance of the bride's mom) and invited nobody in the bride's family.
I sent a birthday card for our daughter to take with her to give to her future mother-in-law when my daughter was to visit her and also reached out to her on Facebook - and did not receive either a thank you or a "hello" - was totally ignored for no reason. I have never met her.
The next thing is she is having a rehearsal dinner in a town near the wedding and there is no rehearsal! I certainly hope she does not think I or my ex are going to pay for however many meals at the expensive venue they chose. I don't even want to go! Our daughter's original plan was to elope and save for a house. I wish they had.
Her Dad, to top it off, is complaining about the cost. I guess he "never got the memo" about how expensive Weddings are these days.
This woman deserves the crown for jerk of the year (Lesley, Australia, Oct 2014)
Over the years I have never ceased to be amazed at the behaviour of some parents in regard to invitations to children's birthday parties. I'm talking about those parents who don't rsvp, or show up on the day with siblings and ask you if the other children can attend. If it is a backyard party the extra children are not problematic, but if it a special outing where there is a price per child I think its a bit rude.
A recent experience has topped the cake in regard to organisationally / etiquette challenged parents. My son had a birthday party - to an amusement park ($50 a head per child). Received rsvps from every family bar one. I just assumed the child was coming, which was wise, as I got the rsvp 2 hours before the party!
Anyway the same child (a set of triplets) had a birthday a month later. The father told my son that he would be invited to the birthday party (they hadn't decided on a date or venue) and they would send us an invitation.
Well, we waited for the invitation. The child verbally told my son he was invited. A week prior to the party we still hadn't received an invitation so my son let the boy know this. He asked three times and still no invitation. We saw the child the day before the party and I explained that we had not received an invitation. Still no response from either parent.
My son, who is on the autism spectrum was quite distraught to not receive an invitation and went into a meltdown, which was pretty distressing for me.
Someone who knew the parents forwarded the text message invitation - that's right - slackass mum couldn't even be bothered with written invitations. the mother had only given the date and time, and mentioned it was laser tag. No address, nothing.
I was so angry that I texted her at the commencement of the party (why be polite - she might as well know why we are not going to socialise with them ever again) and pointed out my son hadn't received an invitation as promised, and was pretty upset about it. I told her I thought it was in my opinion quite unkind. I was diplomatic considering how much it had upset both of us.
She replied - no apology - just that I had been unkind to her by sending the text while she had to supervise 17 children (total crap, the staff at the facility were supervising the kids).
This woman deserves the crown for jerk of the year.
Parents don't teach their children Manners any longer (Viv, United States, July 2013)
I recently went to a baby shower and when I arrived, there were no seats left. It took some time but my daughter in-law found me one in a rather uncomfortable position. I was appalled at how many children were at the tables from about age 3 through teens. When I was a child I never had to be told to get up if an adult had no seat. I have noticed this before, I don't thinks parents teach basic manners to their children any longer.
Inconsiderate 'Friend' (Jess, Australia, May 2013)
My friend has made plans with me a few times and either "was too busy and forgot" arrived over an hour late or just did not get back to me.
She has her husband ring me on her behalf when not attending a party i invited her to.
I, myself have 3 children under 8 and spend most of the week with my husband away for work always attend dates, make time for people and try to be appreciative most of the time.
Recently she had her first baby at a private hospital 60+km away from where we live because she didnt think our local hospital was good enough, even though i had 2 of mine there. so i called her mobile the night after she had her baby to see how she was doing she had her 12 year old niece take the call for her and told me to come see her between 3 and 8pm.
I asked if i could come in the earlier visiting hours as i did not want to take my children there (trying to be courteous) she said "no, thats the only time, im excited to see you" so the next morning i text her mobile asking her how she was and told her that i was going to come that afternoon, she replied a few hours later and still said to come in.
I prewashed all gifts, put two gift bags together, one for her, one for baby, picked my children up at 2:30pm (30 mins early) and started the drive down. 2/3rds of the way down her husband rings me and says that she doesnt want any visitors, please dont come, i told him how close i was and that i could relate well to her troubles and wanted to come help...and also all the trouble i had gone to. He spoke to my friend about everything i said and said she still didnt want me to come.
I was really upset and annoyed at it all, she also said i should call her back that night. And when i did she still wouldnt answer the phone, a few minutes later her husband text me from her mobile saying she didnt want to talk to anybody. And that it wasnt me, but her problem. And that she would ring me the next day.
I never had a call from her and then she posted a generic apology to everybody on facebook.
Am i right in my feelings that i do not want to be friends with her anymore, i feel i give her more generosity than she deserves and that even though i will forgive her, i dont want to be hurt again.... Answers please
Stepfather's Memorial (April, United States, Mar 2013)
My father attended my stepfather's memorial even after I called him and requested that he did not come. I am very hurt by this action and having a difficult time getting over it. I feel disrespected by him.
Tipping. Another Point of View (Rachel, United States, Feb 2013)
I was reading your rage page and there was a woman commenting about tipping what you can afford; not what your server deserves.
Servers make only $2.13 an hour and using up a table and under-tipping because you can not afford it is rude. Also, telling the server they did a good job does not pay the bills. Servers can't say to the gas company "I'm sorry I don't have enough money to pay but I did a really good job serving a cheap old biddy."
I say, don't compliment the server if you are not tipping properly, it's insulting to them. They don't care that they are told they did well; show them that they did well by a proper tip. If you can't afford it, you should not be eating out anyway.
Cell Phone and Gum Menace (Lorie, United States, Feb 2013)
Hired a young lady to work in my office, the first day went well but the second day she closed the door to the office, proceeded to talk to her boyfriend on her cell phone with the speaker on for hours, unplugged the wireless logitech printer USB from the computer and plugged in her cell phone while popping gum and swapping funny moments with her boyfriend.
It was only the second day and I would like to mention she has not even learned the particulars of the job. She kept greeting the customers popping her gum and telling her boyfriend to hold on. I am speechless!! I'm glad I found your site, thank you.
Kids and Hygiene (Chris, United States, Nov 2010)
My nieces and nephews currently visit on the rare occasion. I'd like to see them more often but the only way to attract their presence is to offer dinner or throw a party.
I love having them over but my brother and sister-in-law don't care that their children don't wash their hands after using the bathroom or after eating messy food. That's fine if we're at their home, but this is my home.
My sister-in-law was offended when I told her that I'd like the kids to wash their hands. She said that she's not worried about that type of thing. It hurt my feelings that she doesn't care how her kids behave at my place. How do I handle this? Thanks!
Our Reply - we have now addressed this issue in our "Table Manners for Children" page
Mothers, Please Note (John, United Kingdom, June 2009)
My pet hate is mothers who have badly behaved children.
He Smacks His Lips Loudly (Allen, United States, April 2009)
I share an office with a co-worker who has a horrible habit related to food consumption. Several times a day he will take a break and have a snack at his desk.
The problem is he smacks his lips rather loudly while indulging in whatever it is he is obviously enjoying. The noise has become so unbearable I have to leave the room and hope he is finished by the time I return.
I have asked several people outside of work for advice on handling this delicate issue. No one has an answer other than continue to walk away at snack time. Even my mother-in-law, who I consider well versed in the rules of proper etiquette, has no solution.
If you can offer advice and/or share my issue with your readers it would be very much appreciated. Thank you.
Our Reply - One would be tempted to remark sarcastically, ‘Hell's bells is that dreadful sound coming from you – I thought the drain was blocked?’ or to be more blunt with, 'That sounds disgusting. Where are your table manners?' But that would be confronting.
Consider emailing him a link to our page - 'Table Manners for Children.' (smile)
I throw this open to our readers to suggest something appropriate for me to forward to Allen.
Don't Feed My Cat (Grace, Australia, March 2009)
It's important to mention that as a neighbour of a cat owner, or dog owner, DON'T FEED THE ANIMAL UNLESS IT BELONGS TO YOU! The owner pays for food, vetinary bills, and such, and if there is food coming from an unknown source, it may harm the animal, or confuse the animal as to where its rightful place is.
If you fear that the animal is not being cared for, don't just supersede the owner and take care of it yourself. Use the proper channels of authority to ensure the animal is being appropriately cared for.
We have a "well-meaning" neighbour who has been feeding our cat and we were not aware. She told us this morning and we have just asked her to stop, as this disrupts his routine, and could effect his dietary needs which we know about.
In short MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
Our Reply - You are so lucky to have such a caring neighbour that feeds your cat and is considerate enough to inform you of her action. A few people would simply poison it (as we hear of from time to time).
Cats are notorious for doing the rounds of neighbours, plaintively seeking a little 'extra something' and further supplementing their more than adequate diet by hunting and killing some of our endangered species of wildlife.
Cats should NOT be allowed to roam. There are special cat runs available for them to exercise outdoors without being a threat to anything while also keeping them safe from unsavoury types.
Far from telling people to 'mind their own business' we are dedicated to promoting neighbourhood harmony and respect for ALL living things be it plant or animal.
Please accept your kind neighbour's actions with good grace and invite her over for a 'cuppa,' a chat and a word of appreciation.
Finally, thank you. We take on board your suggestion that people should not feed other people's pets for the very good reasons that you have given.
Compliments (p, Australia, March 2009)
Is it appropriate to tell a female work collegue that they look nice? and how do you do so appropriately in a polite way without coming across as either (a) sexist? (b) just "wanting to
get in their pants" or (c) not wanting anything from them
Our Reply - Yes, it's quite appropriate. However, if you develop a reputation for noticing and always complementing people (both male and female) on their dress, manners, skills, whatever, in a sincere, honest, appreciative and open manner (i.e. not just in private) then your compliment will be accepted as genuine and having no ulterior motive.
So, go right ahead and look for something to compliment in everyone you come across. You will be surprised at how much joy and happiness you will spread in this way.
Sadly, there is not enough of this happening and through its scarcity we expect our compliments to be received with suspicion!
Tell me how you go (smile).
Elevator Etiquette (Debbie, United States, January 2009)
What is the proper etiquette for entering/exiting an elevator. Who is expected to wait, the person exiting or the new rider?
Our Reply - Think about it. If the elevator door opens and it is full of people and an equal number of people want to enter it would be impossible for them to do so until there is room in the elevator.
It makes good sense therefore (and is good etiquette) to step aside to allow all those leaving to do so first before any of those waiting to enter step aboard.
Elevator doors are usually narrow so good etiquette dictates that anyone waiting to enter steps aside to allow those leaving to get clear before they attempt to enter the elevator.
Plant a tree! (Jackie, Australia, July 2008)
Plant more trees. We are busy clearing land for larger houses more units and shopping centres leaving no space for trees.
Any empty space should have a tree on it.
EVERYONE PLANT A TREE
Workplace Bully (Karen, United States, July 2008)
I have a question about office etiquette, or more specifically how to get a co-worker to observe it. I have neurological problems and sudden, loud noises such as gum snapping can trigger me to have a seizure.
Several of my co-workers have respectfully stopped their snapping habits after I've told them about my problem but one coworker not only refuses to quit but has even begun to do it more loudly.
I've spoken to both management and Human Resources but to no avail. Do you have any suggestions how I can resolve this?
Our Reply - Karen the sad fact of life is that Manners & Etiquette is a voluntary code of practice to smooth the way for harmonious living. Obviously, this insensitive co-worker lacks any consideration for others and appears to be a 'bully'.
Your employer has even less regard for the welfare of its employees and needs to practice 'Employer Etiquette' more specifically the sentence, "Deal with employee grievances promptly and fairly. Do NOT trivialise them"
My suggestion to you is – obtain a medical certificate stating your condition and the consequences of loud noises. Write of your complaint (asking whose responsibility it is to resolve it) to your manager, the manager of the HR department and the recalcitrant co-worker and attach a copy of the medical certificate. If the situation is not resolved in a week send a copy to the CEO and the business' insurers that cover you for workers compensation. Indicate at the foot of the letter that CCs (carbon copies) have been sent to ……. (names and positions).
This will make all parties aware that there is a serious problem and that something needs to be done about it. If management doesn't respond, then the insurers may hold them personally responsible for negligence in the event of a claim against them for compensation brought against them by you for harassment and/or medical trauma caused at the work place.
I hope this works for you. Please let me know how you go.
Tipping? Leave what you can afford (Brenda, Canada, July 2008)
I think the quality of service and your income should determine the % factor. For fine dining with good service, I give 15% of total bill tax included. The rest of the time 10% of total bill. With increased living costs the average working person or senior should not feel they are expected to pay up to 20%. Tell the server they have done a great job, but i say leave what you can afford. No matter what the income, you are going to get the "tight ass tippers" - a fact of life. We all know them.
Tipping? US Dollars preferred (Editha, Canada, July 2008)
One time in the past I went to the Philippines for a vacation. At the airport I started to tip in Canadian dollars. I was embarassed when the porter complained. He wanted US dollars and not Canadian dollars. I learned that everybody everywhere the US currency is expected as a tip.
Mother-In-Law's Phone Call (Lorna, Canada, January 2008)
We had guests over this past weekend & my mother in law phoned. My husband answered & explained politely to his mom that we had guests & that we would call her back.
She later phoned us chastising us saying we should have taken her call. She went further to point out that she is the most important person in his brother & sister's lives & that they certainly would have talked to her, regardless of whether company was over. She even called both his brother & sister to "poll" them.
My husband & I stand firm... we feel it is just good manners to give your company undivided attention while they visit & to not take phone calls unless it is an emergency (which it wasn't).
Our Reply - This is a very tricky situation as both parties feel justified that they are in the right. A Mom deserves your respect, (and you say that your husband spoke respectfully to his Mom) but respect needs to be earned.
By her taking offence at the situation in which you were placed does not show consideration for your guests nor for your predicament. When calling on the phone it is both polite and good etiquette to ask "Am I interrupting anything?" And then consider the options. Consideration for others is at the very core of good manners and is the antithesis of being controlling.
It certainly IS good manners to give your company undivided attention while they visit & to not take phone calls unless it is an emergency. We see far too many incoming calls being given priority to the exclusion of invited guests. It's deplorable and inexcusable!
Perhaps the use of an answering machine to 'screen' incoming calls when you do not want to be interrupted could prevent hurt feelings by people who wish to dominate others. Apologise anyway to bring closure to what could become a protracted stand-off. I hope you are able to kiss and make up.
Funeral Outrage (Karen, United States, September 2006)
I was outraged when I attended the funeral of my father-in-law recently. His wife passed before him, so there are only 2 sons and a daughter left. My niece and her husband, along with my nephew and his "friend" sat on the front row while my husband and the only daughter had to sit on the 2nd row for the service. There was no way to correct this without making a scene since the family was the last to enter the church. I thought the immediate family (surviving spouse, parents or children) were supposed to sit on the front row and grandchildren, nieces, nephews, etc., taking the other rows behind the surviving (immediate) family. Am I correct or no?
Our Reply - Karen, you are correct. Please see our Funeral Service Etiquette page for "Seating Arrangements".
Inconsiderate Employers (Deborah, United States, September 2006)
When applying for a job shouldn't the prospective employer do an interview or at least let you know the job is already filled? I recently applied for a city job and was told they would decide at the next board meeting. So I went to the meeting since I hadn't heard from them and they had already hired someone about 2 weeks before. Is this proper hiring procedure or is this employer just inconsiderate?
Our Reply - We agree that many employers do not show enough consideration to job applicants & notice that some applicants too breach their responsibilities by accepting more than one job & abandoning the first after a couple of days when a better offer comes along. Some employers are swamped with applications & as a rule do not communicate with applicants unless it’s to request an interview or to offer a position. So please continue to apply for jobs without waiting for a reply. Sadly, with job applications no news is usually bad news.
About those neighbours who behave like morons .... they have no respect...(Anon, July 2006)
I'm sure this complaint is as old as the hills, but the creativity of the low life neighbour is still quite unbelievable.
How do people manage to get themselves to the point in their life where respect, consideration, awareness of people, animals or environment is something absolutely foreign them?
I know for sure nobody is born that way ..... so the conclusion I can come to is that there is something seriously lacking in parenting skills.
It would be wonderful for once to let 'the powers who be' legislate that people in future will have to aquire a university degree in Family Skills and Parenting before taking the important and responsible step of starting a family.
Well that's my thought for today ..... I wonder how other people feel about this ....
Teach them in school (Aries67, July 2006)
Wouldn't it be good if kids were taught things like table manners, social skills, putting yourself in the shoes of others, respect your elders, kindness begets kindness, being punctual, good work ethics, do your best, etc in high school?!!!
I've got a whole other list for life skills as well.... hehe :o) !!!
No Inflight Meal Decency (Carrie, United States, June 2006)
What really gets me is when on a long flight in the coach section of a plane you are served a meal and the person in front of you refuses to put their seat up. I mean, come on, have a little decency. When you are in front of someone, and you recline your seat as far as it will go, the person behind you is pretty much trapped (especially if they happen to be tall or larger than average! To have to eat a meal this way - impossible!
Our Reply - Yes, we have experienced the same entrapment on an Air Zimbabwe flight, and we are skinny! Airlines, please give us a break.
Online Dating Site Get Togethers (GT) (Alex, Canada, May 2006)
And you thought that regular clubs were meat markets. Ohhh my goodness, friends. These GTs are generally gypsy like venues filled with, unfortunately, mostly women, dressed in their tight minis, with their nails and hair done to the T and their stiletto heels, ready to tangle some lovely web around an unsuspecting man.
Unfortunately, there tend to be more women than men at these events and all of these beautiful, drunk women find themselves jockying for position for the few single men that show up.
The men are in their glory, never having seen so much attention. This begs me to wonder why more men don't show up to these events if the pickings of ladies are so plentiful for them. I suppose the men that do go want to keep it to themselves as they likely have never had it so good.
Then you find the men that show up around 1 a.m. You KNOW what these men are looking for. They are smelling good and looking FINE. They have hunger in their eyes and movement in their hips. They stand very close to the dance floor just waiting for the right moment to move in on a lonely drunken woman who has not already found herself a "hook up" for the night and then swoop down for the prey, the drunken woman who spend way too long getting ready for this event to let it go to waste and not get picked up for the evening.
At the end of the night (or the next morning), the men move on to the next prey, the women feel used and gossip about it to their friends online and they all wait for yet another event to come along so they can dance the dance of online GTs yet another day.
Our Reply - These poor people who visit GTs obviously haven't read our 'Dating Etiquette' and 'Online Dating Etiquette' pages.
Desperate Creeps (Alex, Canada, May 2006)
I was chatting back and forth with this one guy that I had met on a yahoo chat site on a Friday evening. We were getting along quite well, flirting back and forth when we both decided to meet for a drink. I chose the time and location in order to ensure I was comfortable in my surroundings as women dating online should do. I waited anxiously and self consciously outside the pub for him so, he would recognize me when he came.
He arrived late and we went inside to have a drink (of juice of course) We sat awkwardly across from one and other attempting to establish conversation let alone some kind of rapport. He barely looked at me, instead was eying all of the other girls in the pub. We finished our drink fairly quickly and decided to part ways. There was obviously no connection between us and in fact I felt him a tad rude so, in my mind this would be the end and we would part our ways forever.
He walked me to my car and I was saying goodbye when he said to me.
Listen, do you want to join me in my car and..(deleted)..? You would really like it, most women do.
My mouth dropped until I realized this guy was serious. Well did that boy get a piece of my mind. What kind of an idiot thinks that a woman is so desperate that she would do this and if there are women that actually do this, oh my goodness let me find them so that I can slap them silly for setting the rest of us up for such an encounter.
Well this boy quickly scurried away to his car and drove off in a hurry after my berating. All I have to say is what a waste of my time.
Our Reply - Please refer him to our 'Dating Etiquette' and 'Online Dating Etiquette' pages along with anyone else that you chat to onlie.
School & Animals (Brandon, Australia, May 2006)
my name is Brandon and I think in school the children should have good manners & be good in class and nice to people and also to animals (Age 9)
Angry Neighbour (Hendri, Indonesia, April 2006)
My neigbour got angry to me, as I reminded him not to spread the water in front of my house. He didn't accept it. Since then he never speaks to me anymore. What should I do now? Thanks a lot.
Our Reply - Your neighbour is probably embarrassed by his thoughtless actions. Continue to smile and greet him like before. He might be surprised initially, but persist. I expect he will eventually settle down and resume normal communication with you. I do not think he will spread water in front of your house again.
Disgusted Passenger (Bob - Australia, March 2006
I was travelling home on the train (which was mostly empty) & was disgusted at the indifference shown by some people to fellow passengers & to public property.
The windows were scoured with meaningless names and tags. Some people had their feet up on the seats; some were holding loud mobile phone conversations or playing their music so loud that I could hear it despite their ear phones. I even saw a couple of them eating messily on the train.
Are they surreptitiously saying, "Damn you lot!" or "I'm so cool, man"? It certainly seemed that way to me.
A psychologist might have a field day analysing their mindset. Perhaps, when one has a low self image, being an ill-mannered slob gets the attention they crave.
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